third opinions

Today I had an appointment with my "primary" doctor. I wanted a second opinion. I saw my OBGYN last week as scheduled and she didn't seemed concerned.

Ok, honestly my husband and close friends wanted it. I was just going to pretend it wasn't there and that it didn't scare the shit outta me every time I'd rub my neck or look in the mirror. I've had a swollen lymph node that I've "noticed" mind you for the past 6-8 weeks. I first saw it on our trip to Disney World, it was hard and pretty big you could see it.

I hadn't been sick, so i couldn't explain it. I'm examined and asked the usual questions. He measures it.

2 centimeters. Gaross.

He decides he wants a second opinion and excuses himself to grab me a referral.

I'm sitting their waiting and wishing he'd just come back and give me an old pat on the hand and tell me I'm overacting and to go home and rest. I pass the minutes that felt like hours on Instagram tagging my friends in completely inappropriate e cards so I don't burst into poor me pity tears.

But he doesn't.

He sends me over to see an Oncologist a few streets over and on his note he hands me is the doctors name, address and phone number. Informs me if I leave right now he can see me right away. His urgency scared me.

And then he tells me not to worry but that he's located in the Baylor Sammons Cancer Center. And not to worry. Again, its just where he's located blah blah blah. By this point I'm blocking out everything coming out of his mouth and I'm trying not to freak the f out.

I leave and head over to get a third opinion. All the while I turn the ac on cold blast and try and relax.

I wait. Forever.

The front desk clerk never makes me get up. Brings everything to me. She must not get many pregnant moms I was totally digging the special treatment.

I see the oncologist. He was very young and made me feel completely at ease. His wife was even expecting and chatted me up. But he was probably full of shit and wasn't even married just wanted me to trust him and feel at ease.

It worked.

He examined me asked the same questions. Then we started the sonogram on my neck. I made the comment at least it didn't have a heart beat.

He said it looked completely normal and as it should.

Next was the biopsy to make sure of that.

It hurt. Not as much as say childbirth but it hurt. He described it as a bee sting. I wouldn't know never been stung. "Knock on wood".

He mentioned there was liquid and no solid matter during the biopsy, another positive check, yay.

I have to wait for the results until Friday and my neck is pretty sore.

But I left that office feeling a sense of calmness and relief that I haven't felt in well, a very long time. With the warm sunshine on my face and the cool February breeze running through my hair. That long slow walk back to my car hearing care flight overhead had me longing to be home with my family hugging them tight.

128 days to go.