Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Tick tock. Tick tock.

After staying up way later than I should have watching The Wolf of Wall Street. I was dragging way more than usual this AM. Which by the way was the longest most pointless movie ever.

If you offend easily well then we probably shouldn't be friends and you should stop here. But. This one clip made it all worth it.

The whole Lemmon Quaalude 714 scene holy crap I had no idea Leonardo DiCaprio had THAT Jim Carrey'ish talent.

Haven't laughed that hard since watching This Is The End.

Afterwards I had to justify with a few episodes of Nurse Jackie to make staying up worth while. Not to mention all that late night cinema'ing it up and nursing my baby ALL night long. I'm pretty sure we could break a world record of latch time in one night alone. I'm running on a good 4 hours sleep today.

Today is Earth Day, my fifth grader is spending the school day at the park with his class. So fun! But this requires bringing a lunch. No worries we bought stuff the night before at Kroger I was prepared this time. Shocking I know but if I didn't have my sweet Natalie shoving it down my throat since last week I probably wouldn't be.

It's also, STAAR testing week for my third and fifth grader. The hold the kids hostage literally and make them eat in the classroom. Nobody likes eating the schools sack lunch. Nobody. It's like the worst lunch ever, slightly better than jail food. Or when you are out of lunch money and have to eat the crappy vegetables. Not that I know about either, just what I've heard of course. Uh huh, Promise.

I run outta the house baby in arms and Disney cup full of fresh brewed Joe, Community Coffee Café Special my new favorite. Barefoot, well I had socks on and... bra less. Load up the baby and we are off to school drop off. Did I mention it stormed last night? And my Suburban was backed in from unloading all the groceries too? After trekking through the grass and wet sidewalk my socks were soaked! Worst feeling ever. But we are gonna be late so I carry on.

Kiddo's hop out and were barely on time.

Then I see it.

Natalie's lunch tote as I'm pulling out of the school parking lot.


It's STAAR testing day and she's a worrier. I mean she basically bugged me 5 million times about her lunch since last week.

I weigh my options. I didn't have my cell phone. Bra less. Shoe less. 9 month old baby strapped in car seat. I make the long drive all the way around the neighborhood back into the school parking lot. Literally ALL the way around the neighborhood, dang school zone one ways and cops enforcing kid safety and all.

And then I see her. She was like an angel. And then I had THAT ah hah moment. Yes!

The Assistant Principal was outside on a very important call. But my girl I know she's probably stressing right now and about to lose it. So, I got her attention and she saved me, she took my girls lunch into school. I didn't have to get out. Yay! MY soggy sock, non-bra wearing snotty baby tote'n school office trip crisis averted.

Then I get home.

And check my phone to send a quick thank you email to said angel. I see lots of voicemails and missed calls. Grrrreat.

The boy left his lunch on the kitchen counter.

I throw my baby in the bath tub with no water and tons of toys while I shower. Why I didn't think of this months ago, seriously. She's mobile now and into everything. And at this point it's the safest place in the entire house. Especially after the gum chewing incident the day before.

I shower and now she's wailing mum...mumma...mumma...mumma so I pick her up and throw her on my hip and try to brush my teeth. Tick tock, tick tock. Gotta get to work and get back to school before my fifth grader takes off to the park. Of course she grabs my toothbrush full of tooth paste before I could stick it in my mouth. That was fun.

Then the flailing baby knocks my bath and body works glass lotion onto the tile floor. Glass and lotion go flying everywhere.

I spit out the toothpaste, turn off the light and just walk away.

I think I'll start a load of diapers before I leave it just takes a sec. As I go to add bleach to the dispenser since it had been a while since I bleached them. And guess what I did.

I spilled bleach everywhere. I put the cap back on, rinse my hands grabbed the baby who's covered in cookie mush because that's what you do when you need 2 seconds to distract a almost 10 month old. Well only the best mothers do. Two trips to the car later I load up all our stuff, baby and another huge Disney cup of Joe.

Pull into the parking lot at school. Run inside baby on hip lunch in hand.

So who wants to come over tonight and help clean up bleach and broken glass tonight?

I didn't think so.

Oh I almost forgot to mention, say hello to your new Mary Kay Consultant. After 25 years of saving up my allowance to buy MK and attending countless parties I finally made the plunge to sell. I love love love MK! You can shop online even and I'll deliver if you live close enough and promise to wear shoes and a bra. 

Monday, April 7, 2014

I passed

I don't care how many times I visit this place and how sweet the office staff is, it makes me anxious. Like I wanna vomit in my bag and my heart could possibly leap out of my chest and run far far away kind of anxious. 

Maybe just maybe they could not use that big scary C word every where, that would help. I know it.

It's the type of office where they are expecting you no need to check in or give them a DL or insurance card. They offer you a glass of water and tell you how nice it is to see you. I know these 3 month visits are just routine. I know the tumor was removed. But. I can't help but have those same unknown holy crap feelings as I did walking in here about a year ago very pregnant with my third baby. I secretly do my labor breathing exercises to help keep my cool. I even leave my office with minutes to spare because well I just do. 

My face is almost back to normal and I don't have to go back for 6 months, yay! I can't help but smile and add a little swing to my step knowing that I'm free from worry because that's not my job. Nope. It's not my job.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Morning, what's so good about it?

Feeding my baby in the front seat of my suburban as I write. In my kids school parking lot of all places. Heat blasting because I have on flip flops and it's a freezing 40 degree morning.

A morning I'd like to start over. 

I awake at 6:30, make crappy kuerig coffee because that's all I have. Only to realize my sweet Natalie drank the last little bit of milk I had saved for said crappy coffee. It was just the bottom slimey and barely a tbsp kinda last bit of milk yet she drank it.

I pump for 15 minutes because well the baby needs milk for daycare.

She's still asleep. Score. I get to take a shower.

Wake up the big kids for school.

I dry my hair, another victory. Wake baby change her diaper load everybody up for school.

Make sure the boy has his forms for his field trip that I'm missing today. Sadly. Major mom guilt this morning. Major.

Then he realizes he forgot his lunch that he didn't even make. In the drop off line.

I think fast! I'll drop sister off he can run in subway an exit away at the gas station. Since I don't have on a bra or shoes, he forgot his lunch no reason to make her late.


I realize I don't have my wallet either. 

Double F!

I go home. Change poopy pants baby. Grab an outfit for the day to get her dressed and then she sticks both feet in poopy diaper and is kicking and whaling her arms everywhere like a crazy baby. Holy crap. Poop everywhere. 

Finally a clean changed baby ahhh. Go in kitchen to make the boys lunch. I grab cat food off the floor before she eats it to only miss the water bowl she dumps out soaking her new clean outfit and diaper. I grab a towel and change her for the third time. Third.

I put baby in her crib to play while I throw a lunch together, like refill a half empty Fuji water bottle with tap water kinda lunch.

She is screaming the whole time. She needs me and a nap. But I can't. I have to get to work and make my boy his lunch. Tick tock tick tock.

Finally I can leave the house. The lunch is made! After 2 phone calls from my boy asking where the heck I am.

I throw on a bra, sundress, jean jacket, flip flops and grab all my toiletries (because I have no time to brush my teeth much less wear deodorant) socks and boots throw all my breast pump crap in a bag and grab my crying snotty hungry baby and her crap and run out the door.

I go into school for a mini therapy lesson the poor office staff, they should probably not ask me how I am. Like ever. On the real. But I love them and ALWAYS feel much better when leaving. I waited for my son and gave him a huge hug and told him how much I loved him and apologized for the crappy lunch.

Some mornings are better than others today was not one of those days. Three kids is hard don't let anyone lie to you. It's hard. Or maybe it's just having a baby. Or being a working mother outside the home and three kids. I do know I'm one doctor appointment away from losing my shit. And that I'm human and cannot do it all. And I don't. And I feel guilty for that.

This photo really says it all.

My life is busy. And chaotic and wonderful all at the same time, my children amaze me and I'm so lucky to have them and Brad my best friend who puts up with my craziness. So very lucky.
Oh and on a super side note the new shaken iced sweet tea at Starbucks is perfect, perfect. And only served in the south, this makes me happy.